Chaos I Call My FaRmily: April 2012

I'm an aunt, daughter, sister, friend, believer, etc. There is a long list of words that make me giggle. I believe in having ice cream for dinner, making strangers smile and finding magic in the smallest of moments. Let's face it, if you found your way here, you probably already know me... I have nothing significant to offer the blogosphere, so this is my online diary so when I'm insane one day and lost all my real diaries that I started a million times and never finished - I have this.

Monday, April 30, 2012

Times They Are A Changing...

Perfect soundtrack to this post: Bob Dylan's see above.

The Red Sox game was a success! (For Hayley and I… NOT the Sox.) SO MUCH FUN! Hayl and I took a bunch of pictures, I mistook Glen Davis for someone I went to school with and Hayley offered a stranger some nuts. All in all it embodied most of time together: hysterically fun.

I always enjoy going home, not just for the obvious reason of getting to see my family but because I love the 12 hours reserved and set aside for me, my tunes, and my thoughts. I always feel so energized going home and getting a chance to re-connect with the things and people that helped make me, me.

Blane is officially 3! I cannot believe how old AND young he is! With Brooks around it reminds me of Blane being that small just yesterday and my wondering what his voice would sound like (for the record I am no longer curious… he uses it A LOT). But at the same time he acts so much older, I think he makes us all forget how young he is. He is so smart and funny already. We have inside jokes, handshakes, songs… it’s so easy to forget how young and innocent he is. I love watching him discover new things and learn new things and ask questions – not just for the sake of talking but because he actually remembers the answers and applies them. He already figured out the PERFECT way for me to do anything for him and give him whatever he wants: (Puts his hands on my cheeks) “Tia. My love you.” Done. Put a bow on it, stick a fork in it. I will give him ANYTHING. ANY TIME. ANY WHERE. Scrumptious!

Brooks – is… still in his drooling, crying, sleeping (not for long) phase, so there’s really not much to report on in that area.

Derek and I have found common ground – finally. I believe it stemmed from the mysterious disappearance of certain Superbowl scenes, which the heavens deleted in an effort to keep him alive. J

It was a great weekend with family and friends and it was much needed. Shout-out to Lindey for coming with me to what could have been awkward and turned into a VERY fun and eventful day. Including, but not limited to: a hit and run, sitting in the car for over an hour in the rain, forming a sub-party in the dining room and making friends in parking lots with my crazy hand gestures.

I also got to go to the Troy auction, which I always enjoy, even though this time I appeared to be one of the attractions… was it my outfit? My hair? I’m FROM there – not really sure why I looked so out of place- Either way, it’s like you get an inside look into a past time that is missing from every town that doesn’t hold one. I’m sure it could be a culture shock to out-of-towners, but it makes me feel like I’m home… even when I’m hiding from people I know… haha.

Back to Boston we go…

I was listening to one of my favorite songs ever “Change” by Blind Melon and it reminded me that it’s such an exciting time right now. A time for big changes and a time to evaluate the things that I wish to remain exactly the same. Change is always scary and I am not exempt from the fear or anxiety that comes with it. But sometimes, and it has been VERY few times, I can feel God telling me something and pointing me somewhere. I won’t bore everyone with all the signs, evidence and conversations, but He is definitely getting me ready to leave to the next thing I’m supposed to do and the next place I’m supposed to be. And above all fear and sadness and anxiety I may feel, I can’t help but be overcome with excitement over feeling so special that God is giving me a direction and remembering I need to remain quiet and patient (haha – good one huh?) enough to wait for the map and instructions that will soon follow. It’s so poetic: spring turning into summer; weather changes, people changes, life changes, meeting new friends, saying goodbye to ghosts and celebrating new phases through marriage and births… everything is changing. I’m lucky to have people in my life that support the change and don’t question me or it, but just… love. Because it’s hard to find and if you would turn your attention to the list of lovers in the right-hand column… there they are.

Cue the Sound of Music…. Here are some of

My Favorite Things:

1. Driving with my windows down singing my favorite song

2. Getting back in touch with Javier (my guitar)

3. Watching people who do NOT know they are being watched

4. My new comforter or duvet for my home and garden-inclined friends

5. Swapping out my winter closet for my summer closet

I hope you find a little time today to thank God for a change in your life.

-XOXO

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

YOU’RE NOT GONNA BREAK MY SOO-OUULLLL

Shout out to Katy Perry for getting me through the final stretch of Grad school. Her song may or may not be about a man… but as far as I’m concerned - I would like a divorce from my Master’s program. However, I’ve committed myself, taken an oath in front of witnesses and dammit I will finish this unless death parts us.

I had a bit of a slip into a procrastination/avoidance hole or – crater… but I picked myself up (with the help of some encouraging words from Hayley, some threatening words from my mom, and a good ‘ole hug from Joyce) and found a groove - I hope (everyone knock on wood as you read this). Additional shout-out to Joyce for letting me use her office which is a magical, silent cave of productivity. Legit – got SO much done the past couple weeks that I am more than motivated to continue chipping away at the 100+ pages of writing I need to finish in order to graduate. (This is the cause of the blogging hiatus. I know how many of you have been disappointed with the lack of updates.)

Add to that all of the great things I keep looking forward to! A 3 day work week this week! Blane’s birthday and going home this weekend! (That should be interesting considering calves have been spending the night in my kitchen since March. I wonder what other strange things I will have to report on.) Spending time with friends during the beautiful weather! I almost went to a dark place this morning (sorry Charlotte) but smelled the fresh cut grass when I pulled onto campus this morning and felt that I could get through the next couple days without committing a crime.

You know who else won’t break my soul? The hoochie-mamas who think a little warm weather is the perfect excuse to dress like a stripper at SCHOOL! For the record if your skin is sticking out further than your jean shorts – you should NOT be wearing them. If you can’t walk without getting a wedgy – you shouldn’t be wearing it. If you have more than 3 different color straps showing between your tank top(s) and bra… it’s 2012 – buy a strapless or a clasp or one of the other 50 million products that help make straps unnecessary or invisible. We get it. You’re wearing a bra. Last comment on summer-wear: if you can feel a breeze somewhere, it means we can see it.

Now I don’t know much about fashion, etc. and I am still struggling with my own outfit choices (shout out to Hayley for intervening long ago) but I do know what it looks like to not have a friend who politely suggests you change before entering the public.

It may also be a good time to politely suggest to others in conversation how important it is to keep deodorant handy as it gets warmer. You just never know when that stuff will wear off… like in a crowded elevator, or small classroom… Butttt in keeping with the summer-y theme, I am very excited to break out my dresses this year. Once classes are over I plan on substituting class time with exercise time, which will hopefully make a difference in time for the important events I have coming upJ

I also decided to replace my traffic reports with a My Favorite Things segment. It’s not that people are driving better or aren’t as interesting – it’s just that my staring at these strange traffic incidents is going to cause me to be the star of my own traffic report…

This week my favorite things are:

1) Going to bed with the window open; letting the night bugs lull me to sleep

2) Smelling the fresh cut grass

3) The sunglasses that look better on me than on Charlotte (it’s okay we’ll find you new ones)

4) My new black pumps

5) Finding random things to craft with and add to my future nautical themed apartment

6) Having not smudged my nails after painting them for the first time EVER

Hayley and I are going to a Red Sox game tonight and if you don’t hear me mention her from here on out, it’s because she refuses to take pictures next to me and we broke up.

I hope you all take a little time today to let the sun kiss your beautiful facesJ

-XO-

Meet The Fam

Mom- The strongest woman I know. I attribute my humor, sarcasm and momentary lapses of sensitivity to her. My neurotic organization and timeliness could also be traced back to her, easily. I keep telling her I will make a shirt that says “only my Mother gets me”… She not only has the ability to laugh at herself, but the suspense of what may come out of her mouth next is completely worth every minute you spend with her. Every day I aspire to be as selfless as she and hope to have the same energy that she has every day! The time we spend together is rarely productive, but most often taken up by running to the bathroom with tears of laughter streaming down our faces. Or… spitting things out of our mouths- which dad loves.

Dad- The person I most often, unintentionally mirror. So many ways to explain him, but none more effective than: a Portuguese, work-a-holic, addicted to caffeine and nicotine, impressed by callouses and blood, who doesn’t know what it feels like to sit down, be bored or not know something. The man carries the most random, seemingly useless, facts and knowledge around with him. I joke that there won’t be much more room left in there if he keeps memorizing what I call “trivial” and he calls “necessary” facts about life and the world. Although he IS very handy when converting units for recipes, etc. He, too, is able to laugh at himself and always finds time to teach a good lesson. His wilderness skills are something to be admired, although his instinct to seek medical attention should not. He prides himself on still being able to run faster than me and beat me up, regardless of my age or weight. I’m still waiting for the day he isn’t expecting me…

Shauna- The milk man’s delivery, as I like to call her- Like every abnormal family, sibling rivalry was at its finest until we both traded in our stone-washed flared jeans for our big girl pants. We couldn’t be more opposite, she and I. Some of you would think, “Well, opposites attract” - you’d be wrong. We’ve worked through the years to a place of acceptance and support that is coated with humor and tough love. She’s always been a 40 yr old stuck in a whatever-age-she-was-at-the-time’s body and I exist as the sister to bring comic relief and nonsense to her carefully arranged life. But her protectiveness and respect for her family is unmatched by anyone I have ever met. She is widely known for her smile and constantly takes you off guard when she trades in her pensive stare for a witty one-liner. My victories with her stem from how many abnormal acts I can talk her into doing (which is a lot). Although her life always seems to be enveloped in constant chaos she has a resilient way of finding the blessing and purpose in every day.

Derek- The brother-in-law. We have always wanted a boy in the family. Until Derek came, I was the closest thing to it and played the role accidentally when it came to following dad around covered in grease. Derek or “the trainee” as I so lovingly like to refer to him, is carefully walking the line between finding his new family quirky and loveable and… crazy. It’s not a secret (or won’t be for long) that I play a rough game of tough love and hard-ass. As he works at earning every inch, he is finding our humorous and good-intentioned family a place where he belongs. As with every boy, he has his set-backs, but I think we will find that if he can handle us, he can handle anything. We all have to give him some credit for sticking with it and not to mention he contributed 50% of himself to my favorite treasure… my nephew.

Blane- Who knew the above two could create such a nugget of perfection. He is 4 and already such a wonderful human being! It’s all happening so fast! He seems to fit in juuussstt fine and already spends most of his time organizing his cars and using sarcasm. (I have no clue where he got that from by the way). He is SO smart and SO sensitive and caring. He's not a huge fan of sharing with his brother, but hey, I'm 26 and I still don't have the sharing thing down.I spend most of my time imagining the days when I will be able to take him to do all of the things Shauna/the law won’t let him do. What are Aunts for anyway?

Brooks- AKA Mr. Snarky-pants.What a handful! He reminds me of myself as a monstrous child. He is, however, the most polite little snark you'll ever meet. His adorable pronunciations of things and his constant questions won't keep you mad for long. In his almost 2 years of life the only thing that can get him to sleep when he's having one of his meltdowns is my singing to him. Melt. My. Heart. He has SO MUCH personality and his voice has one volume. Loud. What an entertainer though. I could watch him for hours.

Hayley- You know that best friend in every movie that every girl wants? She’s wild, unpredictable, endlessly supportive, loving, hilarious, and driven and always finds an adventure out of a mere walk down the street. She vocalizes things most people just think, finds people she encounters fascinating and always makes time for everyone. Well… not to brag, but that’s my best friend Hayley. She is my conscience, my support, my free therapist, my teacher, my patience. No one loves life more. She is constantly challenging herself, improving herself, keeping an open mind about everyone and their beliefs and is never afraid to admit when she just “doesn’t know”.She is currently engaged to someone who literally fits her so perfectly, I would gag if I didn’t love her so much and I wasn’t so grateful to God that she can be blessed in this way. A day without a thought, message or text from her is a day you have missed out on. Her Hayley-isms keep everyone guessing, laughing and appreciating her.

Charlotte- Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte… where do I begin with her? Think of the last person on earth you would ever imagine getting along with, understanding or appreciating… and then meet Charlotte. No one has taught me more than she has. In the past 4 years that I have known her, I have watched her go from a tough-as-nails, pessimistic, don’t-need-anyone, who-needs-a-direction type; to a goal-oriented, independent, selfless, thoughtful, hilarious, irreplaceable person in my life. Most people that interact with us agree that we should have our own reality show, but that usually leads into a fight about who would be the star. Her Puerto-Rican/Southie accent lends additional humor to whatever she is saying and makes you want to know her, if not, be her friend. As all roommates require, we have a routine that seems to work and although there are the moments we would like to kill each other, it’s hard to hold a grudge with someone who forgets what the issue was 30 seconds after it’s over. I thank God every day that I did not follow my instinct to run from her the day we met, but chose to stay and am grateful to be included in the people who get to watch her daily performance.

Lindey - Partner-in-crime doesn't even capture the things I have talked this girl into doing with me. She's the Bonnie to my Clyde. We go wayyyy back. Back to the days of dances, horrible bangs, skipping class and going to each others' sporting events. Life eventually got rough (as it tends to do) and we broke up... (any "we were on a break, Friends fans?"). However, we found our way back to each other, picked up right where we left off and I wouldn't have it any other way. I still cannot believe we're allowed to be grown-ups. And even though she is one of the most amazing mothers ever, I still have SUCH a hard time believing she is a wife and is a mother of two! She's literally super-woman and I'm just blessed to be in her presence. Whether I have an awful impulse to do something dumb or a thought out impulse to conquer the world, she always supports me. I've never been so proud to be friends with someone who grew so seamlessly with me from immature tweens to grown-ups with joys and struggles. Since moving back home to PA, she has been my backbone and I'm so lucky to be a part of her life and beautiful family.

Joyce- It’s funny to think of our relationship at its beginning. As hard as it may be to be intimidated by someone with such an infectious warmth and laughter, there I was. She found me as a young student and gave me an opportunity that I didn’t even know I would rise to. As my supervisor, mentor and leader, our relationship only evolved out of the uncanny similarities that we share and perhaps by her nature of wide-acceptance. To this day, I owe her thanks for my full-time job, my Graduate Student status, comic relief from daily struggles, her constant support and much more. There are no two other people on earth that can cover more random topics than she and I can in 20 minutes. She’s almost angelic in her care, concern, empathy and support for others. Anyone who places us both on the same committee or even in the same room usually appreciate our productivity and similar thinking, but also regrets our A.D.D tendencies, our need for constant sugar and our inability to stay on topic. She is truly someone that has blessed my life.

Melissa- Melissa is the the best part of any day she and I get to interact. Her resemblance to a beautifully formed porcelain doll should not be mistaken for instability or frailty. At first, second and third glance you realize how selfless and sensitive she is to everyone, while still maintaining an instinct to preserve her charming and carefully formed life. Her work-ethic guides her tendency to be hard on herself while always keeping in mind her priorities. Most would describe her as shy and introverted, but those who get the great pleasure of getting to know her, quickly find that her wit and sarcasm are hidden jewels that immediately inspire and comfort. She also just got married in the most beautiful ceremony in the most beautiful place. Everything was perfect and so... "Melissa". I am forever grateful to her that I was able to share in her day.

Renata - A new addition to the family, who easily fits in anywhere like the perfect accent to any outfit you have and think to yourself "what would put this over the top?" She is a whirlwind of laughter, wisdom, care, cheerleader and intellect. I almost forgot to add her because I forgot she wasn't always listed here. I feel like I've known her forever. Like that old soul that felt like it was never missing, because you can't remember the last time it was. She seemed to have entered my life at a time when I most needed the words only she can phrase and the support and laughter only she can offer. She is literally the reason I haven't committed a crime at work and puts me in check daily about my expectations and my hopes. She inspires me to trust what I know and dig deeper into what I question. Any day without an interaction is a day I haven't laughed hysterically or thoroughly looked into my moon-sign. You're a rockstar Tutko.

Monday, April 30, 2012

Times They Are A Changing...

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

YOU’RE NOT GONNA BREAK MY SOO-OUULLLL

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