Chaos I Call My FaRmily: May 2013

I'm an aunt, daughter, sister, friend, believer, etc. There is a long list of words that make me giggle. I believe in having ice cream for dinner, making strangers smile and finding magic in the smallest of moments. Let's face it, if you found your way here, you probably already know me... I have nothing significant to offer the blogosphere, so this is my online diary so when I'm insane one day and lost all my real diaries that I started a million times and never finished - I have this.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

So What...

You guys - so I haven't been writing... OBVI. And - it's starting to get repetitive and redundant for me to apologize for delaying and crap and pretending everyone notices. So - I'm basically going to write when I actually have some ish to say and some time to say it. If that means there are months in between, then it basically means I'm being SUPER boring and am trying not to waste your time with my day to day blah-ness. (You're welcome). As it turns out... I blogged more when I had a full time job AND went to school full time. What that says about me? Ummm probably that I will do ANYTHING if it means procrastinating from work - so I started a blog. Now that I actually like my days and don't have anything to procrastinate from... notsomuch.

I started writing this next blog entry (since my last one) like 14 times. I keep starting them and erasing them. Basically nothing has changed since my last entry. Except, everyday I switched from being positive and optimistic and funny to wanting to kick a stranger in the shin for looking at me like "I know you don't have a 'real' job because you're here in the middle day." Then I wanted to say "Dude! YOU'RE here in the middle of the day. What are you doing Mr. Judgy. You don't know me!" Then I was all he's holding the door for you Meg, calm down psycho. So see?! You're welcome. No one wants to read that emo crap. Wow - I digressed a lot.

Anywhoodle - I figured, how many times could I possibly update you on my joblessness? I mean - that's not interesting nor is it fun to type or talk about daily. Buttttt I'm here, because while I was just laying on my hammock outside, during this beautiful night, listening to peepers and staring at my twinkle lights that surround my porch, like a gloriously interesting and poetic character from a novel, I had a revelation. Are you ready for this? (I hope I didn't set myself up to much with all that precursor stuff. Some of you may be disappointed. You can just stop reading now. Or you can finish reading and be all "ummm DUH! I could've told her that". But if you think that - please don't leave it in the comments, because, well... that's not nice - and I'm on a roll so don't interrupt).

Okay. Here it is: I need to shut the eff up, put on my grateful pants, my rose glasses and my thank-you sandals and appreciate the hell out of my life right now. I was laying in my hammock talking to The Big Guy about what he's up to and when he was thinking of telling me what I should be up to, and I realized - I just had the GREATEST day. I had a day that if you had asked me over a year ago to describe my perfect day it would pretty much be today and yesterday and the day before that. Here's a list of awesome things that I have been missing:

That I get to wear jeans EVERY. DAY.
I don't sit at a desk all day.
I get to see my nephews so much that I don't notice them growing daily. (That's a lot).
I get to drive around for 3 hours with mom and dad looking for the perfect filet to cook on Mother's Day.
That I get to spend days shopping with Shauna (which mostly consists of using the bathroom in Walmart).
That I get to watch mom attempt to get through a day working outside without hurting herself... or me.
That I get to be around to watch Lindey be a mother and a wife - (which is crazy because it seems like yesterday that we were exchanging clothes for high school dances and running through sprinklers during work). (Dad - if you're reading this, I meant AFTER work. AFTER.)
That I got to spend 3 hours with people from church today who are basically like another set of grandparents. (Let's be real - they won't be around forever and I'm grateful for any extra memories).
That I have a wonderful, yet quirky family unit in Boston that misses me and keeps in touch with me and makes me feel like I'm still connected to them through the miles.
That I have a lawn to mow and a house to work on.
And here is some more awesomeness in picture form:

...That's a lot and that's only off the top of my head. So what if I can't find a job right now? Maybe once I let go of this insane need to find a society-approved job and insurance plan and embrace this wonderful life that, yes I partially asked for, but couldn't be more peaceful and great, maybe then... I'll find something great that relieves my anxiety of monthly bills. But until then? So what if I have to tell people daily that I don't work somewhere in dress pants from 9-5. So what if people won't hire me because I'm over-qualified. To them I say this:

If all of this doesn't outweigh the anxiety I feel on the first of the month and when approached by someone asking if "I've found a real job yet" - then my head is a lot further up my rear than I ever thought.

Sure - I live near a parking lot full of like 30 cats that are just waiting for me to hit my spinster status. Sure - some of the guys here think a gas station is an appropriate place to find your soulmate. Sure - the college kids next door keep me up past 8:30pm. But I truly believe in 10 years, I will look back on these last 8 months and next few (at least) and be so grateful for these memories that it far outweights all of the things I can find to stress out about.

So I'm basically writing to brag about my life. I hope that's not as annoying as it seems. I have a pretty great life and it's about to get even greater with summer coming. Tans, bon fires, water, fireworks, more hammock time. I know not everyone is as lucky as I am. I just hope they take small steps everyday to come to a place where they can sit somewhere and realize they had one of the greatest days ever. Not because some huge event happened, but because a bunch of the smallest of things made them feel peaceful and happy all. day. long.

Are all of you choking on warmth and positivity now? If so - mission accomplished.

I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes and a thank you for caring enough to click on this crap and read a really strange diary of the past few years of my life.

XO.

Meet The Fam

Mom- The strongest woman I know. I attribute my humor, sarcasm and momentary lapses of sensitivity to her. My neurotic organization and timeliness could also be traced back to her, easily. I keep telling her I will make a shirt that says “only my Mother gets me”… She not only has the ability to laugh at herself, but the suspense of what may come out of her mouth next is completely worth every minute you spend with her. Every day I aspire to be as selfless as she and hope to have the same energy that she has every day! The time we spend together is rarely productive, but most often taken up by running to the bathroom with tears of laughter streaming down our faces. Or… spitting things out of our mouths- which dad loves.

Dad- The person I most often, unintentionally mirror. So many ways to explain him, but none more effective than: a Portuguese, work-a-holic, addicted to caffeine and nicotine, impressed by callouses and blood, who doesn’t know what it feels like to sit down, be bored or not know something. The man carries the most random, seemingly useless, facts and knowledge around with him. I joke that there won’t be much more room left in there if he keeps memorizing what I call “trivial” and he calls “necessary” facts about life and the world. Although he IS very handy when converting units for recipes, etc. He, too, is able to laugh at himself and always finds time to teach a good lesson. His wilderness skills are something to be admired, although his instinct to seek medical attention should not. He prides himself on still being able to run faster than me and beat me up, regardless of my age or weight. I’m still waiting for the day he isn’t expecting me…

Shauna- The milk man’s delivery, as I like to call her- Like every abnormal family, sibling rivalry was at its finest until we both traded in our stone-washed flared jeans for our big girl pants. We couldn’t be more opposite, she and I. Some of you would think, “Well, opposites attract” - you’d be wrong. We’ve worked through the years to a place of acceptance and support that is coated with humor and tough love. She’s always been a 40 yr old stuck in a whatever-age-she-was-at-the-time’s body and I exist as the sister to bring comic relief and nonsense to her carefully arranged life. But her protectiveness and respect for her family is unmatched by anyone I have ever met. She is widely known for her smile and constantly takes you off guard when she trades in her pensive stare for a witty one-liner. My victories with her stem from how many abnormal acts I can talk her into doing (which is a lot). Although her life always seems to be enveloped in constant chaos she has a resilient way of finding the blessing and purpose in every day.

Derek- The brother-in-law. We have always wanted a boy in the family. Until Derek came, I was the closest thing to it and played the role accidentally when it came to following dad around covered in grease. Derek or “the trainee” as I so lovingly like to refer to him, is carefully walking the line between finding his new family quirky and loveable and… crazy. It’s not a secret (or won’t be for long) that I play a rough game of tough love and hard-ass. As he works at earning every inch, he is finding our humorous and good-intentioned family a place where he belongs. As with every boy, he has his set-backs, but I think we will find that if he can handle us, he can handle anything. We all have to give him some credit for sticking with it and not to mention he contributed 50% of himself to my favorite treasure… my nephew.

Blane- Who knew the above two could create such a nugget of perfection. He is 4 and already such a wonderful human being! It’s all happening so fast! He seems to fit in juuussstt fine and already spends most of his time organizing his cars and using sarcasm. (I have no clue where he got that from by the way). He is SO smart and SO sensitive and caring. He's not a huge fan of sharing with his brother, but hey, I'm 26 and I still don't have the sharing thing down.I spend most of my time imagining the days when I will be able to take him to do all of the things Shauna/the law won’t let him do. What are Aunts for anyway?

Brooks- AKA Mr. Snarky-pants.What a handful! He reminds me of myself as a monstrous child. He is, however, the most polite little snark you'll ever meet. His adorable pronunciations of things and his constant questions won't keep you mad for long. In his almost 2 years of life the only thing that can get him to sleep when he's having one of his meltdowns is my singing to him. Melt. My. Heart. He has SO MUCH personality and his voice has one volume. Loud. What an entertainer though. I could watch him for hours.

Hayley- You know that best friend in every movie that every girl wants? She’s wild, unpredictable, endlessly supportive, loving, hilarious, and driven and always finds an adventure out of a mere walk down the street. She vocalizes things most people just think, finds people she encounters fascinating and always makes time for everyone. Well… not to brag, but that’s my best friend Hayley. She is my conscience, my support, my free therapist, my teacher, my patience. No one loves life more. She is constantly challenging herself, improving herself, keeping an open mind about everyone and their beliefs and is never afraid to admit when she just “doesn’t know”.She is currently engaged to someone who literally fits her so perfectly, I would gag if I didn’t love her so much and I wasn’t so grateful to God that she can be blessed in this way. A day without a thought, message or text from her is a day you have missed out on. Her Hayley-isms keep everyone guessing, laughing and appreciating her.

Charlotte- Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte… where do I begin with her? Think of the last person on earth you would ever imagine getting along with, understanding or appreciating… and then meet Charlotte. No one has taught me more than she has. In the past 4 years that I have known her, I have watched her go from a tough-as-nails, pessimistic, don’t-need-anyone, who-needs-a-direction type; to a goal-oriented, independent, selfless, thoughtful, hilarious, irreplaceable person in my life. Most people that interact with us agree that we should have our own reality show, but that usually leads into a fight about who would be the star. Her Puerto-Rican/Southie accent lends additional humor to whatever she is saying and makes you want to know her, if not, be her friend. As all roommates require, we have a routine that seems to work and although there are the moments we would like to kill each other, it’s hard to hold a grudge with someone who forgets what the issue was 30 seconds after it’s over. I thank God every day that I did not follow my instinct to run from her the day we met, but chose to stay and am grateful to be included in the people who get to watch her daily performance.

Lindey - Partner-in-crime doesn't even capture the things I have talked this girl into doing with me. She's the Bonnie to my Clyde. We go wayyyy back. Back to the days of dances, horrible bangs, skipping class and going to each others' sporting events. Life eventually got rough (as it tends to do) and we broke up... (any "we were on a break, Friends fans?"). However, we found our way back to each other, picked up right where we left off and I wouldn't have it any other way. I still cannot believe we're allowed to be grown-ups. And even though she is one of the most amazing mothers ever, I still have SUCH a hard time believing she is a wife and is a mother of two! She's literally super-woman and I'm just blessed to be in her presence. Whether I have an awful impulse to do something dumb or a thought out impulse to conquer the world, she always supports me. I've never been so proud to be friends with someone who grew so seamlessly with me from immature tweens to grown-ups with joys and struggles. Since moving back home to PA, she has been my backbone and I'm so lucky to be a part of her life and beautiful family.

Joyce- It’s funny to think of our relationship at its beginning. As hard as it may be to be intimidated by someone with such an infectious warmth and laughter, there I was. She found me as a young student and gave me an opportunity that I didn’t even know I would rise to. As my supervisor, mentor and leader, our relationship only evolved out of the uncanny similarities that we share and perhaps by her nature of wide-acceptance. To this day, I owe her thanks for my full-time job, my Graduate Student status, comic relief from daily struggles, her constant support and much more. There are no two other people on earth that can cover more random topics than she and I can in 20 minutes. She’s almost angelic in her care, concern, empathy and support for others. Anyone who places us both on the same committee or even in the same room usually appreciate our productivity and similar thinking, but also regrets our A.D.D tendencies, our need for constant sugar and our inability to stay on topic. She is truly someone that has blessed my life.

Melissa- Melissa is the the best part of any day she and I get to interact. Her resemblance to a beautifully formed porcelain doll should not be mistaken for instability or frailty. At first, second and third glance you realize how selfless and sensitive she is to everyone, while still maintaining an instinct to preserve her charming and carefully formed life. Her work-ethic guides her tendency to be hard on herself while always keeping in mind her priorities. Most would describe her as shy and introverted, but those who get the great pleasure of getting to know her, quickly find that her wit and sarcasm are hidden jewels that immediately inspire and comfort. She also just got married in the most beautiful ceremony in the most beautiful place. Everything was perfect and so... "Melissa". I am forever grateful to her that I was able to share in her day.

Renata - A new addition to the family, who easily fits in anywhere like the perfect accent to any outfit you have and think to yourself "what would put this over the top?" She is a whirlwind of laughter, wisdom, care, cheerleader and intellect. I almost forgot to add her because I forgot she wasn't always listed here. I feel like I've known her forever. Like that old soul that felt like it was never missing, because you can't remember the last time it was. She seemed to have entered my life at a time when I most needed the words only she can phrase and the support and laughter only she can offer. She is literally the reason I haven't committed a crime at work and puts me in check daily about my expectations and my hopes. She inspires me to trust what I know and dig deeper into what I question. Any day without an interaction is a day I haven't laughed hysterically or thoroughly looked into my moon-sign. You're a rockstar Tutko.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

So What...

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