Chaos I Call My FaRmily: September 2013

I'm an aunt, daughter, sister, friend, believer, etc. There is a long list of words that make me giggle. I believe in having ice cream for dinner, making strangers smile and finding magic in the smallest of moments. Let's face it, if you found your way here, you probably already know me... I have nothing significant to offer the blogosphere, so this is my online diary so when I'm insane one day and lost all my real diaries that I started a million times and never finished - I have this.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Bring the Joy

Ya’ll it has been a crazy summer. I use the word “summer” loosely of course, as we barely had a summer. Yes – I am one of the many complaining about the weather and the seasons. My tan already started fading! What is THAT about? Regardless… the hay is ALMOST done. We made it. Sure there were a few hospital trips in between. A few tears. A few breakdowns (mechanical and bodily). But… we are teasingly close to being done and it will be nice to transition into the fall.
I have so many pictures that I fully intend on putting up here, but that will take some time, so I’ll get there – I swear. I’m avoiding trying to turn on the camera that I dropped into the Susquehanna…

Job front? Exactly the same. But you know… I’m staying positive, staying flexible, remaining open and following my gut/God. Are you all convinced? Because I mean this about 95% and the other 5% is knowing the more I put this out there, the more likely I am to believe it. It’s hard, but at the end of the day – I can’t complain. Somehow, every month, whether I have $5 or $50 left, I’m making it.

Being so flexible means of course that I get to spend so much time with the boys! Brooks wakes up from naps and I get to hear “Ti-Ti I’m upppp” through the monitor, Blane reminds me daily that he is growing up because he has to and I need to be okay with that. If I had a 9-5 I would miss these wonderful moments. I have time to be there for my friends. All good things. It also means I have more time to volunteer. Which I actually moved from my cone of shyness to do! There was a Kids Karnival at church and even though kids aren’t my favorite population ever - it was an amazing day and I got to spend time with a ton of amazing people… and how do you complain about being able to do that? One of the best weekends ever. A definite "Dear Diary" moment.

Here's a throwback to a list of my favorite things right now:

1.    Sundays.
2.    My hammock.
3.    Ice cream – because I only have a week or so left of it being so readily available.
4.    My beach candle that’s keeping summer alive for me.
5.    Snapchat. Because a picture is worth a thousand words and my friends don’t need to say anything at all.
6.    Opening a new chapstick

Social-life-wise I am dangerously close to losing the only friend I have here. I hit Lindey’s planter the other day in her driveway. Literally never hit anything with my car before. Ever. (Okay, fine - minus that guy in Boston who STOPPED at a rotary… really, dude?) Anyways instead of getting out of my car and apologizing like a normal human - I started laughing so hard I fell on her lawn until she came out, also laughing hysterically. It took me about 5-8 minutes to gather myself enough to pick it up and find all the pieces, put the light back together and put her sign back up. Not to mention the fact that earlier in the night her 1 year old daughter shushed me and turned my chair to face a wall. In my defense though, crazier things have happened while we’ve been together. I can’t remember the last time I laughed that hard.

While I’m airing Meg's Brightest Moments… I was also cleaning out my car the other day. So… you know how people hoard ketchup in their cars? Or straws or napkins? Or something that makes sense like that? Who wants to go through a drive thru and not have enough ketchup? Or NOT be able to drink their drink because someone was having a bad day and forgot your straw? Well… I don’t have any of those things in my car. I have cheese. Yes. You read that correctly. I stockpile large amounts of cheese in my car. Have I found myself in a cheese emergency before? Yes. Have any of these cheese containers come in handy? No. I’m sure you’re all thinking “but Meg… cheese doesn’t keep unless it’s refrigerated and it’s been summer…” Yes – you’re right. Cheese does NOT KEEP IN THE SUMMERTIME IN CARS. I guess now wouldn’t be a believable time to convince you all of what a neat-freak, OCD organizational force I am. SO that happened…

So probably a stranger on the street could tell you all how much I love my house. How hard I have worked on it. How much joy I’ve found in having my own space and decorating and making something “mine”. It’s almost all I’ve talked about for over a year. Well… you’ll all be just as shocked to know I’m currently considering moving to a cheaper/smaller place. Here’s the scoop:
A few months ago Jesus asked me to give one of my favorite purses away. (Yes – I know how that sounds. Gimme a minute). Okay, I hate the word purse, but “bag” doesn’t do it justice. Now most of you know I’m not SUPER girly or into girlish things, but I’ve been getting there and bought a some-what expensive Miche bag before I left Boston that I loved. I used it ALL THE TIME. It was the first grown-up bag I’ve ever bought and for some reason I was attached to it from the moment the lady showed it to me. A few months ago a woman from my childhood church, who is like a wonderful 3rd grandmother to me was telling me how awful/torn/small her purse was. I went to her house and saw a really ragged, small jean purse that looked like one I had from a yardsale when I was about 10. I felt then I should empty mine out right there and give it to her, but I resisted and just listened to her and left that day. For about 2 weeks that’s all I heard in the back of my head was “give her your purse, Meg”. I was like “No! I love that purse! She doesn’t even know what Miche is! She doesn’t care which bag she has, I’ll give her one of my other ones that I’m not using.” So I talked to mom about it. (If you’re wondering if my mother really is MY mother here’s your answer) She said “What?! She doesn’t know what a Miche is! That was expensive.” Exactly. But it was relentless. That voice. Of course I know, money is material and has zero comparison to someone’s happiness or appreciation for something. So I emptied out my bag, gathered 3 or 4 more and asked my mom to bring them to her and let her pick which one she wanted. I think you all know where this is going… she picked the Miche. Now I know it doesn’t seem like much, that I gave that away, (I'm not looking for a pat on the back) and don’t get me wrong, she loves it and I’m SO glad I did - but I think I was being prepared at that point, to let go of a lot of material things that I was clinging on to, to prove that my happiness and pride and joy was not found in my bag, my Office-Max style office, or even my house… So yes the bag was a small thing to let go of, but little did I know, it WAS preparing me to possibly be ready to leave this house that I have worked so hard on and grown to love and move on to another place because… I bring the joy with me. If I don’t end up needing to move, it’s still such an important lesson to free yourself from the attachment of things. I will make wherever I am and whatever I have beautiful.

I’m already LOVING down-sizing my crud. Simplifying. Centering on those important intangible things. So stay tuned here. Guaranteed good things are coming.

I pray you all find an unshakeable joy within yourselves.

XO

Meet The Fam

Mom- The strongest woman I know. I attribute my humor, sarcasm and momentary lapses of sensitivity to her. My neurotic organization and timeliness could also be traced back to her, easily. I keep telling her I will make a shirt that says “only my Mother gets me”… She not only has the ability to laugh at herself, but the suspense of what may come out of her mouth next is completely worth every minute you spend with her. Every day I aspire to be as selfless as she and hope to have the same energy that she has every day! The time we spend together is rarely productive, but most often taken up by running to the bathroom with tears of laughter streaming down our faces. Or… spitting things out of our mouths- which dad loves.

Dad- The person I most often, unintentionally mirror. So many ways to explain him, but none more effective than: a Portuguese, work-a-holic, addicted to caffeine and nicotine, impressed by callouses and blood, who doesn’t know what it feels like to sit down, be bored or not know something. The man carries the most random, seemingly useless, facts and knowledge around with him. I joke that there won’t be much more room left in there if he keeps memorizing what I call “trivial” and he calls “necessary” facts about life and the world. Although he IS very handy when converting units for recipes, etc. He, too, is able to laugh at himself and always finds time to teach a good lesson. His wilderness skills are something to be admired, although his instinct to seek medical attention should not. He prides himself on still being able to run faster than me and beat me up, regardless of my age or weight. I’m still waiting for the day he isn’t expecting me…

Shauna- The milk man’s delivery, as I like to call her- Like every abnormal family, sibling rivalry was at its finest until we both traded in our stone-washed flared jeans for our big girl pants. We couldn’t be more opposite, she and I. Some of you would think, “Well, opposites attract” - you’d be wrong. We’ve worked through the years to a place of acceptance and support that is coated with humor and tough love. She’s always been a 40 yr old stuck in a whatever-age-she-was-at-the-time’s body and I exist as the sister to bring comic relief and nonsense to her carefully arranged life. But her protectiveness and respect for her family is unmatched by anyone I have ever met. She is widely known for her smile and constantly takes you off guard when she trades in her pensive stare for a witty one-liner. My victories with her stem from how many abnormal acts I can talk her into doing (which is a lot). Although her life always seems to be enveloped in constant chaos she has a resilient way of finding the blessing and purpose in every day.

Derek- The brother-in-law. We have always wanted a boy in the family. Until Derek came, I was the closest thing to it and played the role accidentally when it came to following dad around covered in grease. Derek or “the trainee” as I so lovingly like to refer to him, is carefully walking the line between finding his new family quirky and loveable and… crazy. It’s not a secret (or won’t be for long) that I play a rough game of tough love and hard-ass. As he works at earning every inch, he is finding our humorous and good-intentioned family a place where he belongs. As with every boy, he has his set-backs, but I think we will find that if he can handle us, he can handle anything. We all have to give him some credit for sticking with it and not to mention he contributed 50% of himself to my favorite treasure… my nephew.

Blane- Who knew the above two could create such a nugget of perfection. He is 4 and already such a wonderful human being! It’s all happening so fast! He seems to fit in juuussstt fine and already spends most of his time organizing his cars and using sarcasm. (I have no clue where he got that from by the way). He is SO smart and SO sensitive and caring. He's not a huge fan of sharing with his brother, but hey, I'm 26 and I still don't have the sharing thing down.I spend most of my time imagining the days when I will be able to take him to do all of the things Shauna/the law won’t let him do. What are Aunts for anyway?

Brooks- AKA Mr. Snarky-pants.What a handful! He reminds me of myself as a monstrous child. He is, however, the most polite little snark you'll ever meet. His adorable pronunciations of things and his constant questions won't keep you mad for long. In his almost 2 years of life the only thing that can get him to sleep when he's having one of his meltdowns is my singing to him. Melt. My. Heart. He has SO MUCH personality and his voice has one volume. Loud. What an entertainer though. I could watch him for hours.

Hayley- You know that best friend in every movie that every girl wants? She’s wild, unpredictable, endlessly supportive, loving, hilarious, and driven and always finds an adventure out of a mere walk down the street. She vocalizes things most people just think, finds people she encounters fascinating and always makes time for everyone. Well… not to brag, but that’s my best friend Hayley. She is my conscience, my support, my free therapist, my teacher, my patience. No one loves life more. She is constantly challenging herself, improving herself, keeping an open mind about everyone and their beliefs and is never afraid to admit when she just “doesn’t know”.She is currently engaged to someone who literally fits her so perfectly, I would gag if I didn’t love her so much and I wasn’t so grateful to God that she can be blessed in this way. A day without a thought, message or text from her is a day you have missed out on. Her Hayley-isms keep everyone guessing, laughing and appreciating her.

Charlotte- Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte… where do I begin with her? Think of the last person on earth you would ever imagine getting along with, understanding or appreciating… and then meet Charlotte. No one has taught me more than she has. In the past 4 years that I have known her, I have watched her go from a tough-as-nails, pessimistic, don’t-need-anyone, who-needs-a-direction type; to a goal-oriented, independent, selfless, thoughtful, hilarious, irreplaceable person in my life. Most people that interact with us agree that we should have our own reality show, but that usually leads into a fight about who would be the star. Her Puerto-Rican/Southie accent lends additional humor to whatever she is saying and makes you want to know her, if not, be her friend. As all roommates require, we have a routine that seems to work and although there are the moments we would like to kill each other, it’s hard to hold a grudge with someone who forgets what the issue was 30 seconds after it’s over. I thank God every day that I did not follow my instinct to run from her the day we met, but chose to stay and am grateful to be included in the people who get to watch her daily performance.

Lindey - Partner-in-crime doesn't even capture the things I have talked this girl into doing with me. She's the Bonnie to my Clyde. We go wayyyy back. Back to the days of dances, horrible bangs, skipping class and going to each others' sporting events. Life eventually got rough (as it tends to do) and we broke up... (any "we were on a break, Friends fans?"). However, we found our way back to each other, picked up right where we left off and I wouldn't have it any other way. I still cannot believe we're allowed to be grown-ups. And even though she is one of the most amazing mothers ever, I still have SUCH a hard time believing she is a wife and is a mother of two! She's literally super-woman and I'm just blessed to be in her presence. Whether I have an awful impulse to do something dumb or a thought out impulse to conquer the world, she always supports me. I've never been so proud to be friends with someone who grew so seamlessly with me from immature tweens to grown-ups with joys and struggles. Since moving back home to PA, she has been my backbone and I'm so lucky to be a part of her life and beautiful family.

Joyce- It’s funny to think of our relationship at its beginning. As hard as it may be to be intimidated by someone with such an infectious warmth and laughter, there I was. She found me as a young student and gave me an opportunity that I didn’t even know I would rise to. As my supervisor, mentor and leader, our relationship only evolved out of the uncanny similarities that we share and perhaps by her nature of wide-acceptance. To this day, I owe her thanks for my full-time job, my Graduate Student status, comic relief from daily struggles, her constant support and much more. There are no two other people on earth that can cover more random topics than she and I can in 20 minutes. She’s almost angelic in her care, concern, empathy and support for others. Anyone who places us both on the same committee or even in the same room usually appreciate our productivity and similar thinking, but also regrets our A.D.D tendencies, our need for constant sugar and our inability to stay on topic. She is truly someone that has blessed my life.

Melissa- Melissa is the the best part of any day she and I get to interact. Her resemblance to a beautifully formed porcelain doll should not be mistaken for instability or frailty. At first, second and third glance you realize how selfless and sensitive she is to everyone, while still maintaining an instinct to preserve her charming and carefully formed life. Her work-ethic guides her tendency to be hard on herself while always keeping in mind her priorities. Most would describe her as shy and introverted, but those who get the great pleasure of getting to know her, quickly find that her wit and sarcasm are hidden jewels that immediately inspire and comfort. She also just got married in the most beautiful ceremony in the most beautiful place. Everything was perfect and so... "Melissa". I am forever grateful to her that I was able to share in her day.

Renata - A new addition to the family, who easily fits in anywhere like the perfect accent to any outfit you have and think to yourself "what would put this over the top?" She is a whirlwind of laughter, wisdom, care, cheerleader and intellect. I almost forgot to add her because I forgot she wasn't always listed here. I feel like I've known her forever. Like that old soul that felt like it was never missing, because you can't remember the last time it was. She seemed to have entered my life at a time when I most needed the words only she can phrase and the support and laughter only she can offer. She is literally the reason I haven't committed a crime at work and puts me in check daily about my expectations and my hopes. She inspires me to trust what I know and dig deeper into what I question. Any day without an interaction is a day I haven't laughed hysterically or thoroughly looked into my moon-sign. You're a rockstar Tutko.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Bring the Joy

Pageviews