Chaos I Call My FaRmily: May 2012

I'm an aunt, daughter, sister, friend, believer, etc. There is a long list of words that make me giggle. I believe in having ice cream for dinner, making strangers smile and finding magic in the smallest of moments. Let's face it, if you found your way here, you probably already know me... I have nothing significant to offer the blogosphere, so this is my online diary so when I'm insane one day and lost all my real diaries that I started a million times and never finished - I have this.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Everything Happens For A Reason

So much going on, I need to start being better about updating this more regularly!

Well, there is a first time for everything and I have officially disappointed Blane. I brought my guitar with me to PA a couple of weeks ago and thought he and I could play around and make songs and stuff. Well – I didn’t think through that exactly. Not only was he making requests that I could not step up to, he demanded I sing “the Tangled song” acapella. I didn’t see this coming. So I played the song on my phone so I could sing along. It hadn’t even begun yet and was still in the intro and he yells “Sing with your mouth Tia!” So we (I) continued to sing Tangled alllll weekend. Needless to say I am unfortunately sick of that song and still do not know his requested songs on my guitar well enough to bring it back to face him. It will go down in history as the first time I truly disappointed that boy. Lol.

I want to thank Hayley for keeping me busy all day at work last Wednesday by having to continually peel an adhesive off my eyelid, as I supported her in her “I wonder what fake eyelashes would look like/feel like whim”. Hers actually looked really nice and natural. I was one swipe of eye shadow and set of fishnets away from working a pole. Why do I do whatever she says?

My graduation dinner was fun! Mom and Hayley came to support me and watched me get the clock I can’t read! But it LOOKS fancy and important!

Anyway, it was really nice to see my classmates again and loved being able to bring my favorite people together to meet. It reminded me how NOT in control I am of everything, regardless of the time and energy I put into maintaining a control I think I have. This is funny to write and probably funnier to read but… I feel like God really knows me. Like – of course he MADE me so he knows me, but I mean… he like KNOWWWWS me. He’s constantly putting these “coincidental” themes in my life and I LOVE recognizing them and then pointing out each time it rings true for any amount of time. Not only does it keep me entertained, but it’s really the only time I find myself truly giving in and listening like “Okay. I get it. Point made. I know what I’m supposed to do.” I can’t count how many times in the past couple weeks I’ve found myself thinking or heard myself saying “well everything happens for a reason and I know there’s something else going on here, so…” It comes with the weirdest peace and a few more patience than I normally have.

People keep leaving this little gems of knowledge or inspiration while we’re talking and they don’t even know they’re doing it, but they’re perfect and they stay with me and remind me everything around me happens for a reason.

I made a quick decision to go home to PA again for Memorial Day and I’m VERY glad I did. It was full of wonderful weather, great family moments, laughter, relaxation, birthday joy and staring at my beautiful nephews glow in the light of the bonfire.

It’s these spur-of-the-moment decisions in life that keep me giggling to myself about my control issues. I’m sure God’ giggling constantly too “there she goes again, thinking she knows the plan and making her own plans”… but it’s always a wonderful reminder that everything happens for a reason. It’s the unplanned moments that make the best memories in life and end up being worth whatever struggle big or small that may have preceded it.

The rest of the summer is going to fly by. I just have this feeling I need to make a concentrated effort this summer to take time to actually appreciate every aspect the summer has to offer and make the best of it. Hopefully this means I’ll take more pictures and document it better, but for now… I will add it to my list of things to do.

For those of you who know me better than I’d like to admit, you know how I love my lists. I have a list binder. Yup. A binder FULL of lists. Neurotic? Maybe. But full nonetheless. It’s what keeps me from doing my actual work at work but gets me through to the nights and weekends. Nothing makes me feel better than crossing stuff off a list. The sense of accomplishment, the sense of having “not been lazy if you took 2 things off your list today” and the realization that there is more to life than working and getting bogged down by others’. The lists keep me moving and on that note, here is another:

My Favorite Things:

1. My new lip gloss that smells like melon

2. GRADUATING

3. Driving Shauna’s car for a while– which I LOVED J

4. Discussing my horoscope daily with Renata

5. Spring cleaning and organizing

6. Grown-up sleepovers on school nights

7. Bonfires on summer nights

Regardless of how crazy things get and how swept up we all get in something that means a lot to us or even something that means a lot to someone we care about, it’s important that we take the time to ask ourselves for the bigger reason something could be happening. At the end of the day everything happens for a reason and sometimes, for us control freaks, there’s comfort in knowing you don’t have control.

Have a blessed week lovesJ

Meet The Fam

Mom- The strongest woman I know. I attribute my humor, sarcasm and momentary lapses of sensitivity to her. My neurotic organization and timeliness could also be traced back to her, easily. I keep telling her I will make a shirt that says “only my Mother gets me”… She not only has the ability to laugh at herself, but the suspense of what may come out of her mouth next is completely worth every minute you spend with her. Every day I aspire to be as selfless as she and hope to have the same energy that she has every day! The time we spend together is rarely productive, but most often taken up by running to the bathroom with tears of laughter streaming down our faces. Or… spitting things out of our mouths- which dad loves.

Dad- The person I most often, unintentionally mirror. So many ways to explain him, but none more effective than: a Portuguese, work-a-holic, addicted to caffeine and nicotine, impressed by callouses and blood, who doesn’t know what it feels like to sit down, be bored or not know something. The man carries the most random, seemingly useless, facts and knowledge around with him. I joke that there won’t be much more room left in there if he keeps memorizing what I call “trivial” and he calls “necessary” facts about life and the world. Although he IS very handy when converting units for recipes, etc. He, too, is able to laugh at himself and always finds time to teach a good lesson. His wilderness skills are something to be admired, although his instinct to seek medical attention should not. He prides himself on still being able to run faster than me and beat me up, regardless of my age or weight. I’m still waiting for the day he isn’t expecting me…

Shauna- The milk man’s delivery, as I like to call her- Like every abnormal family, sibling rivalry was at its finest until we both traded in our stone-washed flared jeans for our big girl pants. We couldn’t be more opposite, she and I. Some of you would think, “Well, opposites attract” - you’d be wrong. We’ve worked through the years to a place of acceptance and support that is coated with humor and tough love. She’s always been a 40 yr old stuck in a whatever-age-she-was-at-the-time’s body and I exist as the sister to bring comic relief and nonsense to her carefully arranged life. But her protectiveness and respect for her family is unmatched by anyone I have ever met. She is widely known for her smile and constantly takes you off guard when she trades in her pensive stare for a witty one-liner. My victories with her stem from how many abnormal acts I can talk her into doing (which is a lot). Although her life always seems to be enveloped in constant chaos she has a resilient way of finding the blessing and purpose in every day.

Derek- The brother-in-law. We have always wanted a boy in the family. Until Derek came, I was the closest thing to it and played the role accidentally when it came to following dad around covered in grease. Derek or “the trainee” as I so lovingly like to refer to him, is carefully walking the line between finding his new family quirky and loveable and… crazy. It’s not a secret (or won’t be for long) that I play a rough game of tough love and hard-ass. As he works at earning every inch, he is finding our humorous and good-intentioned family a place where he belongs. As with every boy, he has his set-backs, but I think we will find that if he can handle us, he can handle anything. We all have to give him some credit for sticking with it and not to mention he contributed 50% of himself to my favorite treasure… my nephew.

Blane- Who knew the above two could create such a nugget of perfection. He is 4 and already such a wonderful human being! It’s all happening so fast! He seems to fit in juuussstt fine and already spends most of his time organizing his cars and using sarcasm. (I have no clue where he got that from by the way). He is SO smart and SO sensitive and caring. He's not a huge fan of sharing with his brother, but hey, I'm 26 and I still don't have the sharing thing down.I spend most of my time imagining the days when I will be able to take him to do all of the things Shauna/the law won’t let him do. What are Aunts for anyway?

Brooks- AKA Mr. Snarky-pants.What a handful! He reminds me of myself as a monstrous child. He is, however, the most polite little snark you'll ever meet. His adorable pronunciations of things and his constant questions won't keep you mad for long. In his almost 2 years of life the only thing that can get him to sleep when he's having one of his meltdowns is my singing to him. Melt. My. Heart. He has SO MUCH personality and his voice has one volume. Loud. What an entertainer though. I could watch him for hours.

Hayley- You know that best friend in every movie that every girl wants? She’s wild, unpredictable, endlessly supportive, loving, hilarious, and driven and always finds an adventure out of a mere walk down the street. She vocalizes things most people just think, finds people she encounters fascinating and always makes time for everyone. Well… not to brag, but that’s my best friend Hayley. She is my conscience, my support, my free therapist, my teacher, my patience. No one loves life more. She is constantly challenging herself, improving herself, keeping an open mind about everyone and their beliefs and is never afraid to admit when she just “doesn’t know”.She is currently engaged to someone who literally fits her so perfectly, I would gag if I didn’t love her so much and I wasn’t so grateful to God that she can be blessed in this way. A day without a thought, message or text from her is a day you have missed out on. Her Hayley-isms keep everyone guessing, laughing and appreciating her.

Charlotte- Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte… where do I begin with her? Think of the last person on earth you would ever imagine getting along with, understanding or appreciating… and then meet Charlotte. No one has taught me more than she has. In the past 4 years that I have known her, I have watched her go from a tough-as-nails, pessimistic, don’t-need-anyone, who-needs-a-direction type; to a goal-oriented, independent, selfless, thoughtful, hilarious, irreplaceable person in my life. Most people that interact with us agree that we should have our own reality show, but that usually leads into a fight about who would be the star. Her Puerto-Rican/Southie accent lends additional humor to whatever she is saying and makes you want to know her, if not, be her friend. As all roommates require, we have a routine that seems to work and although there are the moments we would like to kill each other, it’s hard to hold a grudge with someone who forgets what the issue was 30 seconds after it’s over. I thank God every day that I did not follow my instinct to run from her the day we met, but chose to stay and am grateful to be included in the people who get to watch her daily performance.

Lindey - Partner-in-crime doesn't even capture the things I have talked this girl into doing with me. She's the Bonnie to my Clyde. We go wayyyy back. Back to the days of dances, horrible bangs, skipping class and going to each others' sporting events. Life eventually got rough (as it tends to do) and we broke up... (any "we were on a break, Friends fans?"). However, we found our way back to each other, picked up right where we left off and I wouldn't have it any other way. I still cannot believe we're allowed to be grown-ups. And even though she is one of the most amazing mothers ever, I still have SUCH a hard time believing she is a wife and is a mother of two! She's literally super-woman and I'm just blessed to be in her presence. Whether I have an awful impulse to do something dumb or a thought out impulse to conquer the world, she always supports me. I've never been so proud to be friends with someone who grew so seamlessly with me from immature tweens to grown-ups with joys and struggles. Since moving back home to PA, she has been my backbone and I'm so lucky to be a part of her life and beautiful family.

Joyce- It’s funny to think of our relationship at its beginning. As hard as it may be to be intimidated by someone with such an infectious warmth and laughter, there I was. She found me as a young student and gave me an opportunity that I didn’t even know I would rise to. As my supervisor, mentor and leader, our relationship only evolved out of the uncanny similarities that we share and perhaps by her nature of wide-acceptance. To this day, I owe her thanks for my full-time job, my Graduate Student status, comic relief from daily struggles, her constant support and much more. There are no two other people on earth that can cover more random topics than she and I can in 20 minutes. She’s almost angelic in her care, concern, empathy and support for others. Anyone who places us both on the same committee or even in the same room usually appreciate our productivity and similar thinking, but also regrets our A.D.D tendencies, our need for constant sugar and our inability to stay on topic. She is truly someone that has blessed my life.

Melissa- Melissa is the the best part of any day she and I get to interact. Her resemblance to a beautifully formed porcelain doll should not be mistaken for instability or frailty. At first, second and third glance you realize how selfless and sensitive she is to everyone, while still maintaining an instinct to preserve her charming and carefully formed life. Her work-ethic guides her tendency to be hard on herself while always keeping in mind her priorities. Most would describe her as shy and introverted, but those who get the great pleasure of getting to know her, quickly find that her wit and sarcasm are hidden jewels that immediately inspire and comfort. She also just got married in the most beautiful ceremony in the most beautiful place. Everything was perfect and so... "Melissa". I am forever grateful to her that I was able to share in her day.

Renata - A new addition to the family, who easily fits in anywhere like the perfect accent to any outfit you have and think to yourself "what would put this over the top?" She is a whirlwind of laughter, wisdom, care, cheerleader and intellect. I almost forgot to add her because I forgot she wasn't always listed here. I feel like I've known her forever. Like that old soul that felt like it was never missing, because you can't remember the last time it was. She seemed to have entered my life at a time when I most needed the words only she can phrase and the support and laughter only she can offer. She is literally the reason I haven't committed a crime at work and puts me in check daily about my expectations and my hopes. She inspires me to trust what I know and dig deeper into what I question. Any day without an interaction is a day I haven't laughed hysterically or thoroughly looked into my moon-sign. You're a rockstar Tutko.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Everything Happens For A Reason

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