Okay here it goes: THE post. The resignation, the next step in life, the moving on post. As I’m writing it I still haven’t decided if this is going to make you laugh, cry or… laugh UNTIL you cry. Maybe this will just make me cry as I type it. Who knows, but here goes:
As of October 1, 2012 I will once again be a resident of middle-of-nowhere, PA. Wow – it’s even funny typing it. Most of you reading this know the intense (to say the least) journey that it has been getting to this point. Obviously with Graduation comes that point where you begin to close another chapter, look for a new beginning, start asking the hard questions and start answering the even harder ones.
What does one do with their Masters? I am still in the middle of answering that one- Who knows. But the journey getting it was greater than the title that it gets – and that is what I will remember. That is what stays with me every day and what I actually use in my everyday life. The things I learned while I was learning… if that makes any sense. So do I use my Masters? Yes. Every day. So am I looking for it to get me a higher pay grade or a certain upper level job? Not necessarily. Annnndd I’m digressing – but this gives you a good idea about my thought process as I was graduating and mulling over “next steps”. The “what is expected of me” versus what I expected of myself.
So I started the difficult conversation with myself about what my priorities were at this point in my life. I had already spent 7 years creating WONDERFUL friendships, relationships, memories and acquiring invaluable skills in a field I never pictured myself in. I love helping people and for those 7 years I got to help students. I wouldn’t change anything for the world, but this isn’t my passion. I don’t love what I do and I wanted to be able to say that.
I began applying for jobs. All jobs. Any jobs. After getting 3 interviews – I realized… I didn’t want any of them. I didn’t want to settle for another desk job or job in general that I didn’t enjoy or sign myself up for the obligation to a company for another couple years while I made big decisions or waited for a perfect opportunity to sit at my door. For the first time I wanted a little instability, a little space, a little… less planning and a little more flexibility. (Did any of you just fall on the floor? I’m not being held hostage… it’s really still me writing. Yup. The control freak. Still here.)
I wanted to make my own schedule, try a million things, meet a million different people and do it near the half of my family that I have been furthest away from for 7 years. My housing situation sort of fell into place with a slight push and nudge from Dad, a little bit of security fell into place with an offer from Shauna… and… here we are. Oh yeah and there’s the fact that I consulted the Big Guy and He’s WAY on board. I felt the same thing 7 years ago, the last time He told me to move and I heard Him again and knew the familiar feeling of being told exactly what to do. It’s funny to think back to when I first moved here. Knowing no one, knowing nothing, I’ve come so far and would have never guessed that things would turn out as wonderfully as they have. I never imagined moving here would be SO impactful and change me so much. Thinking back is what makes me excited for all of the potential that lies ahead.
Moving on… my decision was made and it was time to start telling the people that I’ve called my family for so long, that I was moving closer to my other family. Of course it was met with mixed emotions… all out of the goodness of the hearts that I have grown so fond of. A day hasn’t gone by (since the big declaration) that I wasn’t met with a supportive hug, excited smile or loving check-in about “how things are going”.
Wednesday I gave my notice that my last day at work would be 9/28/12. Since then everyone has been so lovely, excited for me, proud of me, wishing I would stay but knowing I can’t… it’s so touching to have so many people just… care.
Things are starting to sink in. All of the emotions. And I do mean all of them. I feel like a crazy-person.
I’m SO excited:
To re-connect with “old” friends – that I left years ago. To be able to watch all the new kiddos grow up and do activities – that I can go to with my bells on and face painted. To be closer to mom and dad (I would say not too close but I’m pretty much in Dad’s work parking lot and you CAN’T get closer than that. I think he’s REALLY excited about that part.) To live alone for the first time ever. To NOT sit in hours of traffic every day. To enjoy the views. To plan my own days and schedule and be flexible. To see what’s waiting for me…
I’m SO sad:
To be leaving this part of my family. To not see them every day like I can now. To end an era of memories. To say goodbye to SO many people to changed my life and helped me become the person I am. Even casual co-workers who I can count on to brighten my day. To leave the water and the beautiful work view. To leave the security of a job I hate. (Yeah that’s sarcasm but still… security is security people!)
*OF COURSE it goes without saying that it’s only 6 hours away and an easy drive. I will come back and forth all the time, I expect MANY, MANY visitors… it will all be well. I know that.
I’m SO nervous:
I’ve never flown by the seat of my pants like this before. I’ve never moved without having a job. I’ve never lived alone. There are so many unknowns.
But I’m not the same person I was when I left and I know I wouldn’t be who I am had I stayed. I will NOT cheese-line you all with the “everything happens for a reason” phrase. Oh wait… J
This has been one of the craziest summers ever. The weddings, births, transitions. But somehow I’ve found a way to work at the new house and get enough done that it is as ready as it will be to move in. I had a BLAST at Soupy’s wedding, spent time with Lindey’s new piece of perfection – Hallie, and continued to plan/prep for Hayley’s wedding (which IS SO FRIGGIN close that it’s a little scary). All of these distractions have helped me avoid the inevitable goodbye-for-nows that need to happen. Oh yes, procrastinating is in full effect… ahhh the familiarity-
So here goes. Here goes taking the advice that most people give and few people take. Here goes the beginning of a journey with more questions than answers. Here goes strengthening the relationships I’m leaving in Boston by providing distance for more love and support to grow. Here goes.
I’m sure you thought I would be wrapping this up with a good ole happy ending or a big grand finale of success. But this is being written right before I turn down the road. Who knows how it will turn out or if another turn or bend in the road will present itself, but for now, at this point in my journey, my windows are down because my A/C is still broken, the wind is blowing my bangs in my face as I’m spitting them out of my mouth, my music is blaring and people are staring... and I’m REALLY looking forward to parking my car in Mansfield, PA for the next few years and seeing what happens.
